I promised more than one person that when I started a blog I would write something about cute boys. I wracked my awesomely clever brain trying to think of something super witty to write about how cute boys are and such, and could only come up with an ironic list of “real men criteria” that are hot. Real men are far and few between these days. I know only as many as I can count on my fingers- or less! This is a compilation of real man traits. Enjoy!
1. Men who can build stuff. Building stuff is hot because it means that a man knows how to a) use tools, and b) use his hands. Both of those things are hot.
2. Men who can fix stuff. When I was an angsty pre-teen there was an older teen guy who lived down the street and I would watch him fix his car from a distance. People say you can pinpoint the beginning of a sexual fascination, and boy are they right! He would wear dirty jeans and old school metallica t-shirts and I would cut thumb holes into my sweaters. Sigh, not meant to be, but boy, was he cute fixing things! My point? Oh, that fixing things, be it a leaky faucet or a 1956 Chevy Bel Air, is hot. Fixing things denotes a certain type of knowledge, of figuring things out and being as good with your hands as you are when you’re building things. Oh. Man.
3. Men who read. I once met a boy who was soooo cute and had perfect hair and very white teeth and seemed interested in me (!) but then said he didn’t read because “he didn’t get all the hoopla over books.” Talk about killing an attraction buddy. Men who read are hot because they actually know things besides the stuff you see on tv and can interesting conversations with you. Men who read and are intelligent without being pretentious are the best kind of men. Bonus points if they write, because writing well is one of the hottest things ever.
4. Men who have opinions and stick by them. Real men do not change their opinions because of yours. They sinply respect that they are not the same and then argue their points all efficient and solid like and then catch you as you swoon all over their eloquent arguments and carry you into the bedroom. Or so I imagine.
5. Men who dress like men. Sure, those indie boys in skinny jeans and scarves can be hot sometimes, but how often is that true, really? And how often do they want to date a girl who doesn’t wear ironic Weezer glasses, or art school jeans? And would we call all of them real men anyhow? Give me a man in plaid with scuffed shoes, or a man who takes care of his appearance but does not nearly approach metrosexuality and I am happy. This of course relates to everyday wear, and not to “dressing up.” Every man looks better in a suit, and some men should never take them off. I believe that is what we call a “true science fact.”
6. Men who can cook. Sure, not every man can cook, and that’s ok because I can cook quite well, but it’s major bonus points when a man can cook. Think of the meals he could cook for you! How romantic.
7. Men who fight. Now, I don’t mean agressive frat boys who pick fights all over town, or fighting over nothing, but sometimes a fight is necessary. When violence really is the answer, nothing is hotter than a well-thrown punch. Men who can throw a punch are hot. Many women will tell you this is not true. They are liars. A man who throws a punch over you, well that’s enough to make any women worth her salt a little bit flushed, even if she is a tree hugging hippy who hates violence.
Real man bonus points for knowing how to fish, hunt, fire a gun, chop a tree, build a fire, or tie a really solid knot.
There you have it! Good luck recognizing real men out there in your neighbourhoods. They have been being attacked by society in general these last few years, so they may be a bit shy, but I have it on good authority that you can coax them out of hiding with baked goods or candy!
